As a student, you may find that your interests and priorities are shifting and that your commitment to school is changing the dynamics in your relationships. Taking time to think about where you want to focus your energy can help you achieve a healthy balance and communicate effectively with your loved ones.
As you advance in school, you’re learning new things and considering different perspectives. Your ideas about the world, and how you fit into it, may be changing. You may also be exploring how you’ll apply your knowledge and contribute to your community.
By sharing your academic experiences with your family and friends, you’ll help them feel included in your life. You’ll also have the opportunity to learn how what you’re studying is viewed through their eyes, and gather their perspectives and knowledge.
Dr. Susan Albers Bowling, a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic’s Wooster branch Women’s Health Center, says, “Parents and friends often use their own experience to [relate to] you. Comparing and contrasting experiences can make for a rich discussion.”
Claire H., a sophomore at Montgomery College in Maryland, says, “I enjoy it when my kids talk about what they’re doing in school. I also like telling them about my experiences!”
Some students find it challenging to talk about their schoolwork, or may be tempted to “lecture” their loved ones on what they’re learning. When you’re speaking, pay attention to the quantity and tone of what you’re sharing. For example:
Are you presenting a lot of facts and figures? This might be difficult for other people to relate to. As Claire suggests, “Too many details may make it boring for those whose interests lie elsewhere.”
Are you trying to convince people of something? Be open to conflicting perceptions and questions.
Are you acting like your friends and family can’t possibly know anything about the topic? They’ll feel patronized and tune you out.
It’s important to strive for an equal exchange of information. Remember to ask questions and truly be open to hearing others’ ideas.
Margaret K., a sophomore at the University of South Carolina in Columbia, says, “You don’t just learn in school. You can learn something anywhere and from anyone.” There are lots of ways to acquire knowledge aside from books and college courses.
Shyniece F., a third-year student and residential assistant at the College of Wooster in Ohio, notes, “Some students who are more educated than their families and friends might shy away from expressing what they’ve learned. I use it as an opportunity to share.”
Be sensitive to your loved ones’ backgrounds when explaining things that may be unfamiliar to them. Instead of using academic jargon or acronyms, explain how what you’re studying can be applied to practical situations. If they have not gone on to receive higher education, your experiences may seem intimidating and unfamiliar.
Without realizing it, some students may come off as condescending. There’s a difference between breaking things down into common language and dumbing things down, and this is mainly about attitude. Assume your family and friends will be able to understand what you’re talking about, and take responsibility for speaking with them in a way that makes this possible.
Larissa B., a student at George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon, suggests, “Base how much you say, and how simple the terms are, on their facial expressions and how interested they seem.”
Ask for people’s opinions and encourage them to ask questions. Find out how your experiences in school relate to times when they’ve learned new things. You may be surprised how much good advice can be provided by people who may not have a particular degree but have been dedicated students of life.
There may be times when you find yourself in a relationship that no longer meets your needs intellectually or emotionally.
Have you ever had a conversation with an old friend only to realize you no longer have anything in common? Margaret says, “Part of the higher learning experience is getting the chance to evaluate your life from a new perspective. Sometimes [relationships] don’t fit exactly as they did before.”
In this situation you are faced with a decision: continue putting effort into the relationship or let it go. How do you know when a friendship is past its expiration date? Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
If your answer to many of these questions is “no,” it may be time to have a conversation. Claire shares, “Maybe the friend is feeling the same way. You may be growing apart.”
Express your concerns and encourage your friend to share his or her perspective as well. Pay attention to how you feel as you’re talking, and what your gut is telling you about your interest and energy levels to maintain the connection.
“Both parties have to be willing to put in the time and effort to make the relationship work, or it won’t,” says Allyson E., a student at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota.
While you may no longer have space for certain relationships in your life, it’s important to maintain the ones that help you to thrive and grow as a person. Sharing your experiences, and learning from your friends and family members’ perspectives, can lead to rich and enlightening conversations and this can only enhance your academic life.
CAMILLE SCHWARTZ is a freelance writer studying communication studies at the College of Wooster.
